Bandiversary came and went....

Warning, depressive rant to follow.  

My one year bandiversary was on Saturday 10/6.  Considering that I was feeling crappy about myself and my lack of weight loss, I didn't feel the need to mark it at the time.  I'm still feeling that way, but also feel obliged to mark the day.  I have often regretted getting the surgery, and today is no different.  I still feel like I am on my own.  I know I need a fill, and maybe that will help.  Unfortunately I am still in a price battle with my surgeon's office.  It doesn't matter, because even with a fill I have to follow the rules and eat the right things, and that doesn't seem to be happening these days.  I went crazy after Chicago, don't ask me why.  I was exhausted, so I haven't exercised at all since I got home.  Even though I had lost .06 lb on the trip, I am sure I have gained that back and probably an additional 10 lbs since then, but I don't know for sure since I am afraid of the scale at the moment.  I keep gaining and losing the same 15-20 lbs every few weeks, which cannot be even remotely healthy.  I guess today is a new day.  I'll try to blog about my wonderful Chicago trip soon.

End of depressive rant.

Ten Things Thursday - Chicago Bound!

1. I'm waiting on my BF to finish getting ready to take me to the airport.  He takes longer than me to get ready!
2. I'm anxious about flying alone, I haven't done it since I was 12!
3. I'm excited to meet all the ladies, and have a great time!
4. I will miss my honey terribly!!!!
5. I'm going to miss my kitty cat too!
6. I weighed in at 273 this morning, not my lowest, but down from last weigh in so I'm good with that.
7. My goal is to come back from Chicago at the same weight!  
8. I plan on doing some swimming and a lot of walking, so hopefully that helps with maintaining!
9. I leave for the airport in 10 minutes!
10. Chicago here I come!!!!!

Random Ramblings

• Weekends are horrible for staying on track!  I swore I would be "good" this weekend, but a fried ravioli, homemade gelato and chicken and dumpling stew later, it didn't turn out so good.
• I already packed a beautiful salad for lunch tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day!
• Been trying to figure out what to pack for Chicago, I think I'm mostly good.  Went shopping on Friday, but didn't find what I was looking for.  Oh well, I'll make do.
• I really think I want to do the boat tour on Friday morning in Chicago.  I hope others will join me!  Hint, hint!
• I can't figure out what else I want to do in Chicago, but I know it will be fun!  I also need to figure out what drink I'm going to make for the room crawl.  Any ideas out there would be greatly appreciated!  Delicious but simple is what I'm looking for!
• My week is jam packed with work and working out.  I hope the week goes fast, I can't wait to get to Chicago and meet the ladies!
• I have come to realize that in my comments to others and in my own posts I overuse the exclamation point!  I don't see me stopping anytime soon, but at least I am aware of it!!!!
• My Eagles lost today, badly.  I'm trying to not let this get me down.
• We never get to see my step-daughter on Halloween because she trick-or-treats in her own neighborhood.  She wants to have a costume party at our house with family.  This should be interesting!  
• My fantasy football team is about to go 3-0.  Only me and one other guy is undefeated.  I love beating the guys in fantasy football!
• Need to finish up some stuff before bed.  Have a great week everyone!!!! <-----note over excited exclamation!

Ten Things Thursday!

Apparently this originated with Miss Laura Belle, so thank you!

1. This is my first 10 things Thursday!  I don't usually have that much to blog about, so I've avoided it to this point.  Not sure I can fill all 10 slots today!

2. I tried the swim class on Wednesday and it was great!  There are two other women in the class and they are both around my age.  My biggest issue is being able to swim with my head in the water and being able to do the side breathing.  I feel like I've made a smidgen of progress from the beginning of the first class to the end!

3. I love football and I play fantasy football in a league that includes a male coworker of mine and my boyfriend.  The first week I beat my coworker, and I'm not letting him live it down!  I've made all our other coworkers get in on messing with him over it.  He busted me on my draft, so this is especially sweet!

4. I had my second session of personal training tonight and between the 2 personal training sessions, the swimming and the rowing class on Monday I am one sore puppy!  I have a make up session of personal training on Saturday, so no rest on the weekend!

5. Today we had our team "fun" day at work.  I hate forced fun! We toured the QVC studio (headquarters is 8 mins from my house), went miniature golfing, and then to lunch.  Mini golf was hot and sweaty and there were so many of us that we couldn't even finish before we had to leave for lunch.  I know I should be grateful that I get a day away from the office, but honestly I had to go back afterwards to get some work done, and it just puts me behind.  What can I say, first world problems!

6. I'm incredibly excited for BOOBS 3.0!  I don't feel even remotely ready, but I am excited anyway.  I have to do some shopping, because I don't have anything but summer clothes at the moment.  I'm in a gaining phase, so it is so hard to find clothes!  Sigh, again, first world problems.

7.  Are men genetically incapable of putting the toilet paper roll on the holder???  I don't know why this drives me crazy, but it just does.  I have asked other women, and it seems a large majority of their men also do not replace the roll.  In my house our holders don't even have an end on one side, you just have to slide the roll on!  It is just as easy as putting the roll on the sink!  Ok, pet peeve rant over.

8.  There are so many southern ladies going to Chicago that I just know I am going to come home with a bit of southern twang.  I didn't even see all of Brokeback Mountain but for weeks I couldn't stop saying, in a really bad accent mind you, "I wish I could quit you".  Drove my boyfriend crazy.  I think he may have threatened to leave if I didn't quit.  What can I say, I know how to beat a dead horse!

9.  I have this thing where complete strangers talk to me.  I don't know why, but anywhere I go I almost always get a stranger say random things to me.  A friend of mine has witnessed this several times, in a bathroom and in a parking lot, and she was like, its true strangers really do talk to you!  I guess I just have a face you wanna talk at.

10.  My cat, Ambrosia, is the sweetest thing.  I love her to pieces and she makes me laugh almost daily.  She is a talker, and she definitely lets us know what she is thinking!

Ok, well I guess I didn't do so bad for my first TTT!  Happy Friday all!

Exercise Excitement!

Yes, that said exercise excitement!  On Monday I tried a rowing class at my Y, and I loved it.  My butt was sore all day Tuesday, but I am definitely going again.  Today I am going to my first swim class. I can't wait!  I know how to swim, but this is an intermediate class that will teach me how to swim properly, with my head in the water and breathing from the side.  I have always wanted to be able to do that so that I can go to the pool and swim laps.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to personal training, so for 4 days this week I'll be exercising.  I'm exhausted thinking about it, but I know it is what I need.  Now if I could only stop putting the crap in my mouth I might actually start to lose weight!  Ahh, baby steps.

Weigh in and Stuff

I weighed myself this morning and I was at 277.4.  Considering I was 283 on Monday I am totally stoked!  Of course I could cry that I had gotten myself down to 264, but I have to learn to look ahead and not backwards.  I am a work in progress!  I know I need a fill, but right now I am in a disagreement with my surgeon's office on the cost of fills.  They said it would be 250, but have been charging 365.  Once that gets straightened out I will head in for a small fill, as I have learned big fills don't agree with me! I am going to ride this healthy high as long as I can, knowing the downward turn will come, but I'll get back up again!

My work cell was just upgraded to an iPhone.  I'm still figuring it out, but I love it so far!  I have the my fitness pal app on it, but I have yet to use it.  Of course my IT bf has loaded all sorts of apps onto it already, half of which I don't even know what to do with.  I have to update my contacts with the ladies from BOOBS.  I hear texting is the best way to get in touch when in Chicago, so I need my list up to date.  I can't believe how close it is to BOOBS 3.0!

On the Sunday I come back from BOOBS I have tickets to the Eagles game.  My bf is picking me up from the airport and taking me right to the stadium!  It is cutting it close, but it will be worth it!

Ramblings

With the help of my BF I finally figured out how to follow blogs again!  I used to have a little follow option on the menu and that went away.  Of course I had to try and figure it out for myself, for months now!  Tonight I really wanted to make sure I was following all of the 2012 BOOBS and I was getting frustrated.  My BF asked me what was wrong, and when I told him he said let me see it.  Of course two seconds later he figured it out.  I guess I should take advantage of his IT geekness a bit more than I do!

So as I mentioned above, I am now following all of the 2012 BOOBS.  Of course, I am already having trouble keeping up with the people I am already following!  I guess that is a good problem to have!

Been extremely busy and stressful at work, and of course I have been eating my way through as usual.  I really think I need a fill, and to get myself back in the game.  I keep saying it, now I have to do it!

Going down the shore this weekend with my BF and step-daughter.  Hopefully the weather will be nice and it will be a relaxing weekend!  I am very much looking forward to it!

I need to go through the Chicago sight seeing options again.  I really feel like things are getting close and I need to put down the things I really want to see and plan when/how/with who I am going to see them!  I am such a darn procrastinator!

As I have been following more blogs I notice again and again how boring mine is!  Any tips anyone could give me on sprucing up the look of my page would be greatly appreciated!

Scale whore/scale prude - my life as both

So lately I have been a scale prude - basically avoiding the scale because I know I won't like what it says.  Yet when I am doing well, I have to stop myself from becoming a scale whore, knowing for me weighing myself every day can sometimes be discouraging.  I haven't been on the scale in weeks, and I know it will be bad.  I was all motivated earlier this month, and was getting back on track.  I wish I could tell you what derailed me, but I truly don't know.  I am an emotional eater, and work has been stressful, so I have definitely been hitting the junk hard at work.  My therapist told me to write down my feelings before reaching for food when I'm stressed. I thought, that is a great idea!  And then promptly ignored that advice at the first opportunity.  I know this journey has its ups and downs, but I wish I could sustain the up periods for a bit longer than a week! 

Weekly Weigh In, Before and Progress Pics, 2012 BOOBS, etc.

Getting back to weekly weigh in as part of my get back on track plan.

Saturday 6/23/12 - 270.8 (lowest I have been since surgery was 264, but got back up to 284 so I'll take 270!)

Above is me probably at my highest recorded weight of 386.

The above pictures were me at around 358, after I had started my medical weight loss program pre-surgery. Please ignore the junk in the background!

The above pics are me this week, so around 270.  Still about 100 lbs to go, but figured I need to start celebrating my progress.  Again, please ignore the junk in the background! I'm too lazy to crop it out! LOL

I have signed up for BOOBS 2012 in Chicago and I'm really excited to go!  I think this will be another piece of motivation for me.  I want to get as healthy as I can so I can walk all over Chicago!  I have never been to the Windy City, but I plan on looking up places of interest so I can plan some excursions while I'm there.  Anyone have any favorite places they have been in Chicago, please let me know.  Also, if you are going to BOOBS 2012 and have something fun planned let me know that too so I can see if I can join you!

I have been asked for WLS advice for the first time.  I never even thought about that aspect of it.  Just like I have asked Maria and other bandsters a billion questions, I'm sure others will ask me.  I've been asked about it before, but more out of curiosity, not for someone considering it.  I feel a little intimidated actually.  I am going to respond to her email with all the info I have and tell her to research, research, research!  She is considering all of the different WLS, but I really feel everyone has to do what is best for them, so I won't push her towards any particular one.

That's all I've got for today.  Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!

Whole Foods Convert!

I went into a Whole Foods for the first time tonight.  That place is crazy awesome!  To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement.  They have make your own trail mix and like 12 kinds of bulk granola!  I went crazy in the produce section, hope I can use it all before it goes bad!  It is definitely more expensive than a regular food store, but it is good stuff.  I will definitely be back!

Trying to get my mojo back!

Hello blog world, long time no see!  I've been struggling still with my journey, and recently trying to get my mojo back.  I've been gaining and losing the same 15-20 lbs.  I've been frustrated with my band and mostly with myself.  Really, I know the band is a tool, and it is my head that needs fixing, but how does one do that?  Electric Shock Therapy?  My surgery support group was fine in the beginning, but it became mostly about people fulfilling their pre-surgery requirement, which wasn't much help to me.  I'm not generally a "group" kind of person anyway.  Probably why I've tried WW several times, only to quit pretty early on.

My wonderful boyfriend has been so supportive, and he knows I've been struggling and full of frustration.  He had a sit down with me last night to talk about it all.  Much as I tried to avoid it, because that is what I do, he insisted and he can be pretty persuasive.  So several tissues later, because frankly I cry at the drop of a hat, especially when talking about my weight issues, we had hashed out some things.  He mentioned how I did better pre-surgery than I have since.  He suggested I go back to what worked for me then.  Nothing that I didn't know, food journal, slower eating, more days of exercise, reading the blogs even if I'm not posting, etc..  He promised to help in any way he can, and said he understands that I will always struggle with this, but that I can't give up because he needs me too much.  I do love that man so!

All this being said, I am thinking about going to BOOBS.  I think meeting some of you wonderful and inspiring people face to face would be an amazing thing.  Anyone who has been there before have any insight on what to expect, and what were some of their favorite things about it?  Any newbies like me considering going?  I know I'm late to the party on this one, so I'm not 100% on it yet.  

Had to give some back

So I got a fill on April 16 and it worked pretty well, but then I got to the point where I couldn't eat solids or it would get stuck and painful, no matter how much I chewed or how slow I ate.  I tried to wait it out, thinking it might get better, or it was something I was doing.  I followed the rules, and it was just too tight.  I called my surgeon's office on Monday and explained and they got me in on Tuesday for an unfill.  I was at 4.5 cc and they tried to pull out .50, but wound up pulling .65.  Well it was great today to eat something without pain!  I was able to eat a banana today for the first time in weeks without getting sick.  I was able to eat an entire Lean Cuisine without any pain.  I think I am at a good spot, but time will tell if I have enough restriction.  I did lose the weight that I gained during this 3 week period, and I'm now down to 264. 

I'm trying to get back to the gym, but I can't seem to find the time.  I do see a personal trainer 2 times a week, and I always plan to go to the gym on the other days, but I never seem to get there.  Work is still stressful, and I'm working long hours, and there never seems to be enough time to do it all.  Sad to say, but exercise is the first thing to go!  I'm so glad I have the personal trainer, because without her I might never exercise.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Fill 'er up

Well I got my third fill on 4/16.  I had gotten up to 284 lbs when I weighed myself the morning of the fill.  Today I weighed myself and I'm down to 268!  I'm thinking the fill is doing its job.  I'm up to 4.5 cc.  The nurse looked at my restriction from the scans of my last fill and said you could drive a truck through it.  Usually they don't do more than 1 cc at a time, but she recommended I get 1.5.  I was really tight at first, and wasn't sure if they had gone a little too aggressive.  It seems to have loosened up a bit now, but I am still getting used to this more intense restriction.  Before this I didn't feel like the band had really done anything for me, but now I feel like it is doing the job it was intended to do.  Here is hoping I finally have the tool I need!

Filled with regrets

I haven't blogged since January, and didn't think I would blog again.  I'm not sure what is compelling me now.  I go for my third fill tomorrow, but I am not holding out much hope.  I have been quite depressed and sort of regretting getting my lap band surgery.  I had gotten down to 269 pounds, and now I am back up to about 282.  This surgery hasn't been any different than any other diet I have been on.  I am completely gung ho and successful for a while, and then I crash and burn.  I don't feel like the band has done anything for me, except to occasionally make me hurt and vomit.  I can't seem to get my head back in the game, and I know the surgery does nothing for your head, so why the hell did I do it?  I can't seem to come up with a good answer for that these days.

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 1/21/12

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
1/15/12 Last Weight 274.2
1/21/12 Current Weight 269.6

I am in the 260's!  Woot woot!  I think my mini goal of 267 by 2/2 is attainable.  Although I have been sick and haven't exercised since Wednesday, so that could slow some things down.  I had a fill on Monday and just started eating solids.  So hard to tell how well it is working because everything is so out of whack with having an upper respiratory infection.  My boyfriend has been laid up for weeks with an ear infection, sinus infection, and as of last week bronchitis as well.  Welcome to the sick house!  I think I jinxed myself because I kept saying how I usually am the one to get sick and give it to him, but I hadn't gotten sick yet.  Well that came back to bite me in the butt big time!
I am STILL catching up on reading blogs.  I am up to Jan 13.  A few people tagged me, and I plan to answer the questions, but after I catch up...which could take some time.  I promise not to tag anyone else, since I am so late to the party.  
I had an interesting encounter the other day at the Shop Rite.  The woman behind me in line asked me if I would be interested in a free session with a personal trainer.  I had been thinking about a personal trainer, because I have no idea what I'm doing at the gym if it isn't the water classes.  I said sure, what to lose.  Of course this was before I got sick.  I did meet with her on Friday and set up a time for next Saturday, so we shall see.  She seems nice enough, but she sure can talk! 
Okay, that is all I have for now.  Another boring post from Beth!

Weekly Weigh In Sunday 1/15/12

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
1/7/12 Last Weight 275.4
1/15/12 Current Weight 274.2

Can't believe I'm down a pound, as again I struggled this week.  I got in some exercise, but the volume of food I can and want to eat is out of control.  I definitely need the fill I'm getting tomorrow!  Life has been a bit overwhelming lately, work is stressful, my boyfriend is sick as a dog, and I feel not enough time in the day to exercise and make healthy food.

Anyway, I had set myself a goal of being at 267 for my birthday 2/2.  I am still going to strive for it, but it looks to be in jeopardy at the moment.  Maybe after my fill I'll be able to achieve my goal.  Okay, I'll stop whining for now!  Have a great day everyone!

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 1/7/12 Posted on Sunday

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
12/31/11 Last Weight 277.2
1/7/12 Current Weight 275.4

I'm behind in blog world, and although I did weigh myself on Saturday, this is the first chance I'm getting to post.  I'm also way behind in reading posts, but I will catch up!  Probably won't be doing a lot of commenting though, since I'm so behind.




I'm amazed that I actually lost weight since last weigh in.  I only did things right 4 out of the 7 days, so I was expecting the same or worse.  The holidays are completely over now, so no more excuses!  I'm back on my game, eating better and exercising more.  Still not getting as much exercise as I should, but more is better than none.

I have an appointment with my surgeon's office on 1/16 to get a fill.  I can eat way too much food, and not just slider type stuff.  At this point I barely feel a restriction, so I'm not getting the full benefit of my tool.  Hopefully the fill goes well and I find a good restriction.  I don't want to be too restricted and need an unfill like I've read so many bloggers have had. 

Work has been stressful, and I'm trying to make sure I don't stress eat, like I usually do.  Thankfully there isn't a lot of food around these days, other than the healthy stuff I bring in.  At my work they tend to reward with food....take this survey and here is a candy bar, associate appreciation day have some cookies, let's have cake for this month's birthdays, etc.  We have a wellness manager for the last year or so.  I stopped him in the hall the other day and asked if anyone had said anything to him about our food reward system.  He did mention that he tries to make sure they have healthy options along with the indulgences, but that I make a good point.  I suggested that they give away pens, stress balls, or rewards points towards something instead.  I know food is such a big part of our American culture, and it is also a huge part of our work culture, but something has to change.  As a food addict I know if you put a candy bar on my desk I will eat it, whether I like it or not!

Okay, I've rambled enough for one post.  Hope everyone has a fantastic week!