Saturday, December 31, 2011

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 12/31/11 plus Word for 2012

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
12/10/11 Last Weight 277
12/31/11 Current Weight 277.2

Last weigh in of 2011.  Amazingly I am only up .2 pounds.  I haven't "officially" weighed myself since my last weigh in on 12/10, but I did weigh myself a week or so ago and I was up to 280.  The way I have been shoveling food in my mouth I figured for sure I would be up even more.  I have no idea how I am at 277.2...must be a Christmas miracle.  I haven't exercised, except a walk on Christmas morning with my mother in law, since the Monday before Thanksgiving.  The last couple of weeks I've been upset and shoving my feelings down with food.  It is my habit, and it has come back.  I go to therapy and my therapist encouraged me to talk about what was bothering me, and to stop feeding my feelings.  I had a big blowout with my boyfriend yesterday, and I am in such a better place today.  He had no idea of some of the things I was feeling, because as is my way, I haven't told him anything...even though he has asked, a lot.  He could tell something was wrong, but I couldn't talk about it.  I really need to work on this big time in 2012.  The band can't help my emotional issues, only I can do that.

I've seen some bloggers picked a word for the year, and I think it is a great idea.  I don't know if anyone else has picked it yet, but below is my word for 2012.


: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness 
I especially liked the part about continuing despite failure.  I've so often in the past given up once I've fallen.  I can't do that anymore.  I need to continue this journey to get healthy.  I want to live a long healthy life!
Here is a to a Happy and Healthy 2012 for everyone!!!!


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 12/10/11

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
12/3/11 Last Weight 282
12/10/11 Current Weight 277

Over 100 pounds down!!  I've gotten rid of 101 nasty pounds!!  I am over the moon happy to have reached this goal so soon!  Sorry for repeating, but in my mind this warrants repeating.......101 pounds down!!!!!

This week I had 2 holiday luncheons, and still managed to be down 5 lbs for the week.  I know I won't always be able to work it this good, but I am so happy with how well those luncheons went.  I also exercised the last 3 days this week.  I've  been having trouble getting back onto the exercise band wagon, but I'm back on and driving the wagon to a new goal!  My new goal is to be at 267 by New Year's Day.  I think ten pounds is quite doable considering how well things have been going since I've gotten my fill.  It was hard to decide on a goal, because I didn't want to be over-aggressive, but I also wanted something to stretch for.  We will see what next week brings, and I'll decide if I need to make it more aggressive.

Speaking of next week, that brings up another challenge.  My boyfriend, step daughter and I will be going for our annual Christmas trip to Hershey Park, Friday to Sunday.  This will be our 5th year going, and it is always a good time.  Now I know many of you are thinking....uh oh, the sweetest place on earth, here comes the chocolate over load!  But actually, for me, the candy isn't the problem.  While I enjoy sweets, they aren't my go to food, and usually when we are in Hershey other than the chocolate bar they give you at check in, I don't usually eat any chocolate.  No, the real problem with going to Hershey is the lack of healthy food options.  The zoo literally only has pizza and hot dogs as options!  However, if there has been one thing I've learned with being banded, planning helps in most situations!  I've researched all of the restaurants, and we are planning to eat at the ones that have decent food options.  As for the zoo, that is the first place we will hit when we get there, so I'm planning to bring a protein bar or drink to have at the ready if need be.  In fact I'm packing protein drinks and bars in case I run into any issues.  Luckily our room has a mini fridge so the drinks will be cold.  As far as exercise goes I'm not too worried.  We will be going to the zoo, the park, and the gardens.  There will be a lot of walking involved, and we are planning a trip to the indoor pool one of the evenings, so I think that will suffice for exercise this year. Needless to say I will not being weighing in next Saturday, but next Monday instead.

On the subject of exercise...I ran yesterday.  My boyfriend keeps saying he would like us to join a kickball league for some exercise that would be fun.  He hates exercise, and he thought this would be a way for us to exercise together.  While on the surface it sounds like a good plan, when he mentioned it I was stricken with terror.  I haven't played a team sport since probably grade school.  Well there was that time in my twenties were I attempted to play volleyball on a team with my sister, but only went once because of fear and embarrassment.  I told him I am not ready yet, I can't run, and I surely can't run in front of others.  He said how would I know I couldn't run if I didn't try.  He also said it would only involved basically jogging to base. So last night, the two goofballs that we are, we bundled up and went out into our complex parking lot to see if I could run.  I was actually scared to run.  We determined an end point and off we went.  He of course was way faster than me, but I ran!  It wasn't fast, and it wasn't pretty, but I ran.  It was only for about 20 seconds, then we ran back.  My fat flapped and made smacking noises, and I was mortified.  I told him I'm still anxious about it, but if he wants to join a league after the holidays then I am in.  I will try not to think about it until then!

Hope everyone has a fantabulous week!!!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 12/3/11

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
11/26/11 Last Weight 287
12/3/11 Current Weight 282

I am beyond excited to be down 5 lbs from my last weigh in!  I actually got onto the scale twice to verify the weight was right!  I had my first fill on Monday, which I'm sure had a lot to do with it considering I haven't done much exercise this week at all.  Regardless of the fabulous weight loss I need to get back into my exercise routine. 

I have a mini goal of getting to 278 by Christmas, 100 lbs down from the start of this journey.  I believe I may have to adjust my goal!  Once I hit 278, if it is before Christmas, I will adjust my goal and make it for the new year.  I just have to figure out what that will be. 

We had some out of town visitors at work this week that we had to host, and provide a team lunch for.  Being a couple days out from my fill I had to be on pureed, so I couldn't eat what was provided.  I was very anxious about how I would eat in front of 20+ people and not eat what they were eating!  I packed my lunch and when the time came I just excused myself and informed those around me that I was on a special diet right now.  No one even batted an eye, and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all drinking my protein shake and eating my yogurt.  I have to keep reminding myself that other people do not care about what I eat as much as I always think they do!

Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season!

Monday, November 28, 2011

My first fill!

I had my first fill today.  I found out I have a 10 cc band, the smaller one apparently.  They put in 2.5 cc today.  I was so nervous about it, but everything went fine.  My doctor's office uses an x-ray to find the port and then they make you drink barium and take pics to make sure you can pass things through.  They showed me the picture of my port and the picture of my stomach as the barium went through.  As nasty as it was to drink the barium, checking out my insides was kind of cool.

I'm on liquids until tomorrow then pureed for 5 days.  Bummer to have to go back to these things, but once I get back to solids I'll be there for a while this time!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Weekly Weigh in Saturday 11/26/11

Down one pound from last week!  Considering that the last time I exercised this week was Monday I am amazed.  I was hoping to just stay the same as last week. 

Thanksgiving went really well.  I knew what we were having and I mentally planned what I would be putting on my plate before we got there.  It is amazing how eating slowly helps you to enjoy the food more and to get full easier.  Previously I would have barely tasted the food as I shoveled it in my mouth, then gone for seconds, thirds, etc.  I even allowed myself a sliver of pecan pie.  I love pecan pie, it is my favorite.  I usually have a huge piece, and then another, with ice cream.  This year I had the tiniest piece, not even close to a whole slice of pie.  I was amazed after I ate it extremely slowly how I enjoyed it and was satisfied.  Intellectually I know these things as I've dieted my whole life, but it still has the ability to amaze me.

Exercise has been hard for me this week.  I went to an aqua class on Monday, but since then I haven't done anything.  My boyfriend has been sick, and his coughing and snoring has not allowed for the best night's of sleep.  I'm waking up tired and not motivated to exercise.  After work I've been busy with holiday preparations.  None of these are good execuses, but they are the reasons.  Starting today I'm getting back on the exercise wagon.  BF is feeling better, so sleep should get better too.

Ok, I think I've rambled enough for one long boring blog.  I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving! 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Learning to handle the comments

I've never been good at taking compliments.  Maybe its a fat girl thing, maybe its just a me thing, or some combination thereof.  Either way, compliments put me at the center of attention, and I HATE to be the center of attention.  My family gave me a surprise party for my college graduation, and I hated every minute of it.

Now that you have the background of just how much I hate compliments and being the center of attention, let me tell you about how it has been at my job.  Any time I see someone I haven't seen in a while I get...."You look great."...."Are you losing weight?"....."What are you doing to lose weight?"

Today I was heating up some chicken and vegetables at the bank of microwaves in the cafeteria.  A woman that I know, but never worked with and don't know that well said...."Is that all you are eating?  That isn't enough food".  I just said, oh there is more chicken in there than you think and walked away.

It is starting to get to me, all the comments.  I'm not sure how to handle it really.  I try just saying thank you, and move the conversation along, but that doesn't always work.  I know these people are just being nice, but it makes me just want to go hide in a corner.  I know I can't do that, so I'm hoping everyone will just get used to it soon and stop commenting.  A girl can hope!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 11/19/11

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
11/12/11 Last Weight 294
11/19/11 Current Weight 288

I was very excited this morning to discover I had gotten rid of 6 lbs. since last week!  My mini goal of reaching 100 lbs down by Christmas is definitely looking attainable.

I get my first fill on 11/28, and I'm conflicted about it.  I went to support group on Wednesday and I said how I've been doing well and not hungry, and the nurse that runs the group suggested maybe I don't need a fill yet.  What?!?  My band isn't even doing anything for me yet.  If I don't need a fill, why did I get surgery?  This has been swirling around in my head since she suggested it.  It has me questioning everything...which of course is what I do anyway. 

I decided I'm going in for the fill.  I'm sure they will give me the minimum fill, and I'll see what this band can do.

I got the first edition of Just Dance for the Wii.  Maria has been talking about how good it is, so I decided to try it.  Let me tell you, that game kicks my butt!  Talk about cardio.  The good thing though is that I love to dance, so I love the game.  Working and out and having fun at it means I will keep doing it!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday weigh in....down 4 lbs!

Saturday is my weigh in day, because I was driving myself crazy weighing in every day.  Well this morning the scale registered 294...down 4 lbs from last Saturday.  Between this and getting off my blood pressure meds I am over the moon! 

I am actually a little scared of getting my first fill on 11/28!  I'm afraid I'll have trouble getting in enough calories and things will start to slow down again.  Can you tell I'm a bit of a pessimist?  LOL...excited and scared at the same time, kind of sums me up!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Another Fantabulous NSV!

Today I had a follow up appointment with my primary care physician.  When I was in the hospital they had changed my blood pressure medicine and they wanted me to follow up in a month.  Well they only gave me a 30 day supply with no refills, so I've been without meds for 4 days.  My doc checked my blood pressure and it was 118/80 without meds!  He said I no longer have to take the meds, and he wants me back in 6 weeks to check again.  I am so excited!  I love taking less medicine and not having high blood pressure anymore!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Before I get to my title topic I have a blog tech question to ask.  For the last week or so whenever I make a comment I have to re-log in, and if there is a word cert I have to re-log in twice.  Also, I no longer see the follow option when I go to someone's blog for the first time.  I've gotten a couple of new followers, but I can't follow them.  Any tech advice from blogland?

Ok, now on to my title topic.  At this point in my journey I am doing very well....eating the right foods in the right amounts, getting in my exercise and not feeling deprived or hungry.  However, this is how it has always been in the past when I've dieted.  I am great for a while, sometimes many months, and then IT happens.  I can't exactly explain what IT is, much like the Stephen King based movie where the IT was a scary clown AND a giant spider it defies explanation.  Unlike King's IT, my IT is in my head.  It is some crazy switch that gets turned on, or maybe it is off.  Either way, I go from happily going along leading a healthly lifestyle to a crazed craving machine that can't shove food in my face fast enough!

I don't just fall off the wagon, I jump off the wagon and then turn around and pour kerosene on the wagon and light it on fire with a blow torch!  Once the wagon has been disintegrated into ashes I say, what wagon?  Because there is no turning back at that point.  I of course inevitably gain back all of the weight I had gotten rid of and then add some more.

So now here I sit after having had my morning walk, eating my oatmeal wondering, when will IT appear???  Will the band help me fight IT?  If I go crazy and shove pizza in my face the band won't let me get very far right?  I hope against hope that is the case.  It is why I got the band in the first place.  For now I'm taking one day at a time.

On another note, I discovered a great NSV yesterday.  A once unattainable position in the boudoir because of my largeness has now become very attainable!  Woo Hoo!!!  Is that TMI???

Ok blogsters, need to get to work now.  Hope everyone has a fantabulous day!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Hanging out in Twoterville!

So as planned I waited until Saturday to weigh myself.  Luckily it paid off as I was 298, still under 300!  I'm very excited by this, and plan to keep weighing myself just once a week as it seems to work so far.

Been working on amping up the exercise a bit.  In addition to my morning walks I'm doing either Wii Gold's Gym cardio, stationary bike, or aquatics class.  I'm also trying to get in more calories, as I am still struggling to get enough according to myfitnesspal.  So far things are going good, but I've been on this road in the past, and I'm just waiting for something to snap and my routine to fall apart!

Shout out to Maria....miss you too girl!  Have fun in Florida but come back soon!!!!

Ok all, need to get my butt to my swim class....have a great day!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Back to work

Wednesday I went back to work for the first time in 4 weeks.  Wow, it felt like I never left!  I can't believe I was gone a whole month, it went so quick.  Everyone was very sweet welcoming me back with decorations in my cube and flowers.  Then, the comments.  "You look great".  "I can't believe how good you look".  Etc.  I am horrible with compliments....standard fat girl thing.  Most everyone knowing I went out for lap-band surgery just makes things worse.  I feel like they expected me to come back like I was at the Biggest Loser.  I can't even believe them when they say I look good, even though I know in my head they mean it!  Wow, so many issues, so little time.

At least so far my food at work has been working out.  I've been planning pretty well and packing my food and making sure I'm eating every few hours.  Also getting lots of water. 

Since I made it under 300 the other day I've decided to weigh myself only once a week instead of every day.  At least for now.  I can't stand the idea of the disappointment if I fluctuate back to 300 the next day.  Hopefully when I weigh myself on Saturday I'll be under 300.  Keeping my fingers crossed!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Under 300!

This morning I weighed myself and I was 299.8!  Finally under 300!  I hope it stays that way, my weight has been funny the last couple of weeks.  Even if I can maintain before getting my fill I'll be happy.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone in blogland!  I love Halloween, it is a lot of fun.  Had some trick or treaters, about 20 as I live in an apartment complex so we don't get a lot.  The best costume of the night had to be the cutest little green dinosaur.  He couldn't have been more than 3 years old.

Spent most of the day watching scary movies with my boyfriend.  Well ok, Spooky Buddies isn't exactly a scary movie, but The Thing was. 

Tomorrow is my last day of leave.  I miss everyone at work, but I do not want to go back!  I know work will be stressful as always, and I tend to be a stress eater.  I need to plan, plan, plan in order to make sure that I have the right foods with me, and that I have time to eat them.  Getting used to food at work is going to be really hard.

Well, I hope everyone had a frightfully great day!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Frightful workout

My boyfriend loves Halloween, scary movies, and anything of a scary nature.  While I love Halloween, I'm not a big fan of the scary stuff.  Of course he insists on me watching scary movies with him and going to haunted attractions this time of year.  He is never scared at these things, and I inevitably scream myself hoarse. 

This year was no exception on the being scared and screaming myself hoarse.  However, being that I am a bit lighter and can move a bit better, I was able to run from the scary stuff this year.  I was actually pulling my boyfriend along with me to keep up!  By the end of the haunted woods we went to last night I was out of breath, sweating, and had quite the workout!

Happy Halloween everyone, and hopefully you can scare some weight away!

Friday, October 28, 2011


I am 3 weeks out of surgery now and in the last week I've gained 2 pounds back!  This is very frustrating.  I've been eating all the right foods (I am on pureed currently) and getting all my protein, but I do have trouble getting 1000 calories in.  I have been walking every day except for yesterday.  Yesterday it was rainy, and my left foot has been hurting, so I skipped my walks.  Excuses I know, but I really didn't think it would result in my GAINING a pound. 

I had lost 13 pounds after surgery, but after the first 2 weeks I gained one of the pounds back, and held steady at the weight for a week until I gained another pound this morning.  I know this is a time of healing and not weight loss since I don't have a fill yet, but if I am eating roughly 1000 calories of nutritious food how is it going to get better with a restriction???

I'm guessing at this point that my body is just adjusting to everything.  I'm not used to this because in the past when I've been on track I've lost weight.  I fully expected to hit plateaus on my journey, but not this soon!

Ok, gotta go walk now.  Don't want to "find" anymore of the weight that I've "lost"!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Walking Proud!

Every day I am walking 2 times a day around my apartment complex.  At first it was once around each time, then 2 times around each time.  Today I did 3 times around!  Each time is a 1/4 mile, so I've worked my way up to 3/4 mile 2 times a day!  I know that doesn't seem like a lot for most, but for me it is huge.  It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't make it half way around, much less once around.  My plan is to continue to walk every day and increase as I go.  I figure if I do it every day then it will be a habit, and habits are hard to break right?  I want to finally have a good habit that I can't kick, and that I don't want to kick!

Happy walking all!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A dilemma and a NSV!

So today I was over in Jersey visiting my step daughter with my boyfriend.  I had brought a protein drink to have during our travels, thinking I would be good.  Well after we had gone Halloween costume shopping everyone was hungry.  They both wanted a sit down dinner, and I was slightly panicked!  I haven't eaten out since my surgery, and I'm on pureed, so what to do???  Could I really just there and watch them eat and sip on water until they were done?  I didn't really think this was the best solution.

My boyfriend came up with the idea of a diner.  He figured there would be something liquid like I could eat.  I figured diners usually have tomato soup, so off we went. 

We got to the diner, and being an older diner of course it only had boothes.  I haven't been able to fit into a booth in quite some time.  I figured I lost a decent amount of weight, let me give this a try.  Well low and behold I fit!  It was snug, don't get me wrong, but I fit into a booth!  It was wonderful.

No tomato soup on the menu, so I had some plain mashed potatoes.  Crisis averted, and a discovery made!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Cleaning out the closet!

So today I decided to clean out my closet.  I have many clothes that are too big for me now.  I currently have 5 bags of clothes for donations, and I haven't even gotten to the drawers yet!  I go back to work on 11/2 and I have nothing to wear!  I'm thinking this is a good problem to have though!  I'll just be forced to shop for new clothes.  I just won't get a lot, because I'm hoping they will be too big soon too!

I'm excited because I will have several stores to shop at and that hasn't been the case in a very long time!  It is pretty bad when you are too big for even the fat stores!  For many years Catherines has been the only brick and mortar store I could shop at.  Now I'm in a size that is carried by several plus stores, and I'm excited about the possibilities.  Gonna break out the credit cards and put them to some use!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

First day of pureed foods

So today was my first day of pureed foods.  It was so wonderful to have something almost real to eat!  I had egg beaters for breakfast and pureed lentil soup for dinner.  It was wonderful!  I can't wait to try some pureed chicken tomorrow.  I'm trying not to try everything pureed all at once to give my stomach a chance to adjust.

I ate eggs, protein drink, tomato soup, lentil soup and a sugar free pudding cup.  All told I had 830 calories.  I thought it would be easier to get up to at least 1000 calories once I started eating pureed food.  Did anyone else have trouble getting enough calories in at the pureed point?  I am increasing my walking every day and want to make sure I'm getting enough nutrients so my body doesn't go into starvation mode and hold onto all my lovely fat cells.  I'm getting more than the 60 grams of protein a day thanks to the protein drinks and the powder I add to my soup.

When eating the right foods do any of you struggle to get the correct amount of calories?  I'm told that once I am on solid foods they want me on 1200-1500 calories a day.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Thanks for the support all!

Wow, you guys are great!  I feel the support and I love it!  I know you all are going to help me on my journey.

So I had some more contemplation on the weight that I've gotten rid of.  In my mind weight that I've kicked to the curb is like an abusive ex-boyfriend.  It is a psychotic stalker waiting for me to be weak and give in and take it back.  Like an abusive boyfriend it will treat me bad and potentially shorten my life span.  I've said goodbye to that loser for good, and my band is my restraining order!

Blogger note:  I don't have and have never had an abusive boyfriend.  Most of what I know about abusive men comes for the Lifetime Movie Network.  In fact I have a wonderful boyfriend who is supportive and good to me and whom I love very much!!!!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Thanks Maria!

Maria is the best!  I tell her I've decided to blog, and she shouts it from the rooftops.  I'm so fortunate to have reconnected with her after all this time.

So not for the first time I've been contemplating the term "losing weight".  When you say you have lost something, doesn't that insinuate you want to find it?  I'm not losing weight, I'm getting rid of it!  It isn't something I'm looking for, it can stay lost!  Here's to telling those pounds to get lost and stay lost!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

My very first blog!

Hey there blogosphere!  This is my very first blog.  Although I told my friend Maria I wouldn't be blogging, she seems to be having so much fun at it that I thought I'd give it a shot, so here I am.  Don't know that anyone will ever see it, but I will!

Today is 10/15/11 and I am a week and a few days out from my 10/6/11 lap band surgery.  I am still in the healing stage but feeling good and excited to be started on this journey.  Check with me at another time and I'll be less excited and more scared, but for the moment I'm excited!

I started this lap band journey in February 2011 when I went to an information session for the lap band.  I was so impressed that the actual surgeon, the head guy of 3 great Philly hospitals, actually ran the information session himself.  I had my first consultation on 3/31/11 where I weighed in at 378 lbs!  My highest recorded weight was 386.  I had a long journey ahead of me.

Many dietician and testing appointments later and I had a surgery date.  Because of my high BMI I was highly encouraged to get the sleeve, but I stuck to my guns and my research and felt and still feel the lap band is the right surgery for me.

The morning of my surgery I weighed in at 313 lbs.  I figure if I can do that much on my own, just think how much I can do with the lap band!  This morning I weighed in at 304 lbs.  Still a long "weigh" to go, but getting there.  Soon to be under 300, can't weight!!!!

Ok, I think that is enough rambling for my first blog.  Hope I keep this up....but don't have a lot of faith that I will!