Trying to get my mojo back!

Hello blog world, long time no see!  I've been struggling still with my journey, and recently trying to get my mojo back.  I've been gaining and losing the same 15-20 lbs.  I've been frustrated with my band and mostly with myself.  Really, I know the band is a tool, and it is my head that needs fixing, but how does one do that?  Electric Shock Therapy?  My surgery support group was fine in the beginning, but it became mostly about people fulfilling their pre-surgery requirement, which wasn't much help to me.  I'm not generally a "group" kind of person anyway.  Probably why I've tried WW several times, only to quit pretty early on.

My wonderful boyfriend has been so supportive, and he knows I've been struggling and full of frustration.  He had a sit down with me last night to talk about it all.  Much as I tried to avoid it, because that is what I do, he insisted and he can be pretty persuasive.  So several tissues later, because frankly I cry at the drop of a hat, especially when talking about my weight issues, we had hashed out some things.  He mentioned how I did better pre-surgery than I have since.  He suggested I go back to what worked for me then.  Nothing that I didn't know, food journal, slower eating, more days of exercise, reading the blogs even if I'm not posting, etc..  He promised to help in any way he can, and said he understands that I will always struggle with this, but that I can't give up because he needs me too much.  I do love that man so!

All this being said, I am thinking about going to BOOBS.  I think meeting some of you wonderful and inspiring people face to face would be an amazing thing.  Anyone who has been there before have any insight on what to expect, and what were some of their favorite things about it?  Any newbies like me considering going?  I know I'm late to the party on this one, so I'm not 100% on it yet.  

Had to give some back

So I got a fill on April 16 and it worked pretty well, but then I got to the point where I couldn't eat solids or it would get stuck and painful, no matter how much I chewed or how slow I ate.  I tried to wait it out, thinking it might get better, or it was something I was doing.  I followed the rules, and it was just too tight.  I called my surgeon's office on Monday and explained and they got me in on Tuesday for an unfill.  I was at 4.5 cc and they tried to pull out .50, but wound up pulling .65.  Well it was great today to eat something without pain!  I was able to eat a banana today for the first time in weeks without getting sick.  I was able to eat an entire Lean Cuisine without any pain.  I think I am at a good spot, but time will tell if I have enough restriction.  I did lose the weight that I gained during this 3 week period, and I'm now down to 264. 

I'm trying to get back to the gym, but I can't seem to find the time.  I do see a personal trainer 2 times a week, and I always plan to go to the gym on the other days, but I never seem to get there.  Work is still stressful, and I'm working long hours, and there never seems to be enough time to do it all.  Sad to say, but exercise is the first thing to go!  I'm so glad I have the personal trainer, because without her I might never exercise.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Fill 'er up

Well I got my third fill on 4/16.  I had gotten up to 284 lbs when I weighed myself the morning of the fill.  Today I weighed myself and I'm down to 268!  I'm thinking the fill is doing its job.  I'm up to 4.5 cc.  The nurse looked at my restriction from the scans of my last fill and said you could drive a truck through it.  Usually they don't do more than 1 cc at a time, but she recommended I get 1.5.  I was really tight at first, and wasn't sure if they had gone a little too aggressive.  It seems to have loosened up a bit now, but I am still getting used to this more intense restriction.  Before this I didn't feel like the band had really done anything for me, but now I feel like it is doing the job it was intended to do.  Here is hoping I finally have the tool I need!

Filled with regrets

I haven't blogged since January, and didn't think I would blog again.  I'm not sure what is compelling me now.  I go for my third fill tomorrow, but I am not holding out much hope.  I have been quite depressed and sort of regretting getting my lap band surgery.  I had gotten down to 269 pounds, and now I am back up to about 282.  This surgery hasn't been any different than any other diet I have been on.  I am completely gung ho and successful for a while, and then I crash and burn.  I don't feel like the band has done anything for me, except to occasionally make me hurt and vomit.  I can't seem to get my head back in the game, and I know the surgery does nothing for your head, so why the hell did I do it?  I can't seem to come up with a good answer for that these days.

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 1/21/12

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
1/15/12 Last Weight 274.2
1/21/12 Current Weight 269.6

I am in the 260's!  Woot woot!  I think my mini goal of 267 by 2/2 is attainable.  Although I have been sick and haven't exercised since Wednesday, so that could slow some things down.  I had a fill on Monday and just started eating solids.  So hard to tell how well it is working because everything is so out of whack with having an upper respiratory infection.  My boyfriend has been laid up for weeks with an ear infection, sinus infection, and as of last week bronchitis as well.  Welcome to the sick house!  I think I jinxed myself because I kept saying how I usually am the one to get sick and give it to him, but I hadn't gotten sick yet.  Well that came back to bite me in the butt big time!
I am STILL catching up on reading blogs.  I am up to Jan 13.  A few people tagged me, and I plan to answer the questions, but after I catch up...which could take some time.  I promise not to tag anyone else, since I am so late to the party.  
I had an interesting encounter the other day at the Shop Rite.  The woman behind me in line asked me if I would be interested in a free session with a personal trainer.  I had been thinking about a personal trainer, because I have no idea what I'm doing at the gym if it isn't the water classes.  I said sure, what to lose.  Of course this was before I got sick.  I did meet with her on Friday and set up a time for next Saturday, so we shall see.  She seems nice enough, but she sure can talk! 
Okay, that is all I have for now.  Another boring post from Beth!

Weekly Weigh In Sunday 1/15/12

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
1/7/12 Last Weight 275.4
1/15/12 Current Weight 274.2

Can't believe I'm down a pound, as again I struggled this week.  I got in some exercise, but the volume of food I can and want to eat is out of control.  I definitely need the fill I'm getting tomorrow!  Life has been a bit overwhelming lately, work is stressful, my boyfriend is sick as a dog, and I feel not enough time in the day to exercise and make healthy food.

Anyway, I had set myself a goal of being at 267 for my birthday 2/2.  I am still going to strive for it, but it looks to be in jeopardy at the moment.  Maybe after my fill I'll be able to achieve my goal.  Okay, I'll stop whining for now!  Have a great day everyone!

Weekly Weigh In Saturday 1/7/12 Posted on Sunday

3/31/11 Starting Weight 378
10/6/11 Surgery Weight 313
12/31/11 Last Weight 277.2
1/7/12 Current Weight 275.4

I'm behind in blog world, and although I did weigh myself on Saturday, this is the first chance I'm getting to post.  I'm also way behind in reading posts, but I will catch up!  Probably won't be doing a lot of commenting though, since I'm so behind.




I'm amazed that I actually lost weight since last weigh in.  I only did things right 4 out of the 7 days, so I was expecting the same or worse.  The holidays are completely over now, so no more excuses!  I'm back on my game, eating better and exercising more.  Still not getting as much exercise as I should, but more is better than none.

I have an appointment with my surgeon's office on 1/16 to get a fill.  I can eat way too much food, and not just slider type stuff.  At this point I barely feel a restriction, so I'm not getting the full benefit of my tool.  Hopefully the fill goes well and I find a good restriction.  I don't want to be too restricted and need an unfill like I've read so many bloggers have had. 

Work has been stressful, and I'm trying to make sure I don't stress eat, like I usually do.  Thankfully there isn't a lot of food around these days, other than the healthy stuff I bring in.  At my work they tend to reward with food....take this survey and here is a candy bar, associate appreciation day have some cookies, let's have cake for this month's birthdays, etc.  We have a wellness manager for the last year or so.  I stopped him in the hall the other day and asked if anyone had said anything to him about our food reward system.  He did mention that he tries to make sure they have healthy options along with the indulgences, but that I make a good point.  I suggested that they give away pens, stress balls, or rewards points towards something instead.  I know food is such a big part of our American culture, and it is also a huge part of our work culture, but something has to change.  As a food addict I know if you put a candy bar on my desk I will eat it, whether I like it or not!

Okay, I've rambled enough for one post.  Hope everyone has a fantastic week!